As I sit here on my bed, laptop in my lap, I keep thinking that I need to turn in and get some sleep so I can wake up in 6 hours and do it all again...teaching English. But alas! My day of NOva has arrived. Seriously, the company is making me retarded in so many bad ways. I actually sit at my booth and play with my chapstick (I have severely chapped lips right now; in fact, I look like one of those kids who drinks cherry Kool-aid compulsively). If not playing with the Blistex, I try to rotate my chair with only my body force (look mom, no legs!). Most of my lessons I do everything I can just to stay off camera so the students do not get discouraged looking at my morose posture and grim mug.
Recently I have been ruminating over the idea of leaving and moving on with my plans to be a professional filmmaker. The other day I was sitting in my favorite katsudon place, eating some chicken katsu and reading my copy of Rebel Without a Crew, and I could not believe how easy it seemed for him (Robert Rodriguez). I mean, it wasn't easy, but it just seems like he had more connections to his advantage and I have none at this point. He also made a good point (among many) about getting your foot in the door in that business. He made me realize that, without any practice or hands on experience, I won't amount to much to any film companies or distributors, and they will simply throw me out on my ass. So I cannot screw up that important moment in my life that has yet to come.
Still, I find myself in a quagmire of what to do next. My options are pretty open, but I'm still down to save more money while I'm here. I need to exercise patience and focus as I press on through this horrid nightmare of a job. It's not so bad from an outsider's prospective, but once you are in this job long enough, it becomes painful to smile...even to co-workers. I'm tired of teaching the same shit everyday. The only thing that makes it bearable are the students...at times. The other night I had a student, Natsumi. Natsumi, in her elder wisdom, told me about the things she does in her free time: teaching English to the elderly, holding art therapy classes for people who have frustration in their life. It was wonderful to know that there is someone out there making good use of his/her time. Meanwhile I sit in my booth, continuing to fret about my future and freaking out over a goal I haven't really hammered out yet.
After speaking to Natsumi, and a recent tarot reading I had, I decided my much needed vacation was well warranted. I will be off to the Tohoku region within a week's time, hopefully hiking and basking of the glory of Japan's autumn splendor, and finding my center. I will also be taking my journal with me and a copy of Basho's Narrow Road to the Deep North. Haiku time!